The Harsh Reality.....

I have sat down to read my last post.....and realizing it was over a year ago almost to the day that Emerson had her big seizure, I want to sit down and write how fabulous life has been since we moved to Australia but the truth is its been hard.....really hard.....the homesickness I can deal with, the kids crying because they miss their friends and family, I can deal with and even the huge culture shock you get when you realize you have moved your family to the "red-neck hills" of Queensland. But what I'm finding is the most difficult is the guilt I get everyday when I wake up and realize that Emerson will not get the therapy she needs today. She will most likely hang out in her bean bag chair, swing or special chair because I have to make breakfast and get the other children ready for school. You see in Canada Emmie was able to get 2 whole hours EVERYDAY with a physiotherapist paid for by the government...here she get 1 hour every MONTH paid for by the government, sure she get flashy new chairs and bed and standing frame but no one to interact with her and I'm stretched so thin that the guilt is wearing me down......Did I do the right thing in moving here?? why didn't I look into what was offered first before we packed up and shipped out? Am I doing all that I can here to give her the best quality of life??
I do know one thing......I can't give up.......I must learn, source, read and kick and scream more so the government hears my yells!

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
~Mother Teresa~

Our Adventure!

Its Monday April 26th......one day closer to packing up and leaving Canada......permanently. I'm moving to go on an adventure with my family, to a new land with new opportunity's, new people, a new home....ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted a farm.....I should have been a little more specific about what country I wanted it in but still all the same, I am excited. Excited to be able to have my own dog, own horse, chickens, pigs, baby lambs......I even asked big J if we could have a milking cow.....he said we would need one anyway for the potty calf's that loose there mothers or are abandon.
I have explained to the children what is about to happen over the next few months and the major transition that the whole family is about to go through and aside from the few tears about leaving there friends and cousins, I feel that the adjustment period won't be too traumatizing for them....John and I will be moving to 300 acres of beautiful, tropical land with well established mango, avocado, orange and lemon tree's and approx. 200 head of cattle.....why would you NOT want to go?? Having lived in Australia for a year and a half before, I know what to expect, the friendly people, crazy S-L-O-W drivers, the easy way of life.....we'd be silly not to go......Today I will pack my first box......away we go.....

Adventure is Worthwhile~ Amelia Earhart

Those were the days....

So it's snowing again, and here I sit at my computer looking out into the valley all covered with white, cold, and ever so Canadian weather........I love this stuff! It's what all the best memories are made of, sledding all day till your snot freezes to your face only to lick it off and keep sliding till your called in to come home or your toes fall off, usually the toes were what brought you in, tingling and burning, oh, but it was always worth the pain.......those were the days.....

Spring? Are you there??

Here we are, just em and I watching sun move up over the foothills of our beautiful Alberta landscape, its warm out side for January weather, +1 c it almost feels like spring is already here and the earth is playing a nasty trick. I want to go out side and begin digging in the garden beds, but I know winter is still here...hiding....ready to pop up and scare the snow pants ON us any day soon.
We should enjoy the warm weather while it's here so tonight, we will go for a evening walkabout around our tiny town, get some fresh air and take in the sights of our pretend spring and then come home for a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle down and watch a movie......ahhhhh that sounds so inviting right now.....


Fantastic! Right in the middle of that long stretch between Christmas and Spring Break, your coats are getting dirty, everything's dark, dingy - what a great time for a movie!
~John Hughes~

Tis the Season.....

Hustle hustle hustle, that seems to be the pace for us around here for the last little while and now I have begun to realize I've been hustling in circles......

So....as I am writing this, I'm looking at a box of Christmas cards I bought 3 years ago and have yet to write on and send out...perhaps this year will be the lucky year that it actually gets done! So watch for a card in the mail!!! And if not this year there's always next year!!
This year we are keeping Christmas very simple, the way it used to be 100 years ago when receiving a Christmas orange was the best gift of all.....dont get me wrong...I'm not giving out oranges for Christmas but rather trying to remember the little things in life that are important......Not video games, clothes, toys or expensive jewelery...but FAMILY....spending one on one time with each other and enjoying one's company with love, laughs, games and of course egg nog!
I encourage you all to do the same.....and we may be very surprised at how much more enjoyable this Christmas can be.....

Tough

I thought growing up with divorced parents was tough, I thought having Red Hair and freckles growing up was tough, I thought falling off my bike was tough,I thought being picked on in elementary school was tough, I thought getting picked last for team sports was tough, I thought being dumped by my first love on new years eve was tough, I though getting knocked around by my ex-boyfriend was tough,I thought quitting smoking was tough, I thought having my first child as a single mother was tough, but I would do It all over again a million times over just to make our Emmie as perfect as she could be just so her life wouldn't be so tough........Mommy loves you!

Strength....

You never know what your capable of till your put in a position where you have to dig deep into yourself and really find strength that you never new you even had......Thats what has happend this past year since having our last daughter Emerson, we were so happy to finally have our completed family, I new it was our last and the feeling I had the day I came home from the hospital were nothing but pure Joy for I new that I was in a new stage in my life were I could enjoy watching my kids just grow and turn into little people......In a flash that has seemed to change......Emerson has undergone an Ultra sound, M.R.I and EEG test to determine that indeed she is a special baby that will not be like our other 3 children....She has what is called Polymicrogyria (P.M.G.) and with that come seizures...long ones( Status Epilepticus) that seems to go on forever.....1hour...2hours......standing in the E.R watching your baby helplessly as the doctors try and stop the seizure inserting needles and tubes......why is this happening to me...to us...why us.......why not someone else's family...this is not what I signed up for...I wanted a perfect family.....with perfect children, to deal with easier problems.....Not this.....but when its all over you look back and realize like we have that you get through it.....you move on...you learn more about your self and what you can handle.....and you prepare yourself for the next hurdle that may come......using your strength........that you never new you had......

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
~Nehemiah 8:10

Family to lose station to CQ dam. 24 Mar 2008. QLD Country Hour. (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Family to lose station to CQ dam. 24 Mar 2008. QLD Country Hour. (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Fall Is Apon Us.....

Life has been busy in the Nicholas house hold and is sure to intensify as we near the christmas season...dare I say it... With Aiden in grade 1 and Autumn in preschool twice a week I have already begun to feel the effects of of what I like to call " soccer mom syndrome" minus the soccer.....My "white rocket" also has begun to feel the affects as it doesn't have the "get up and go" it once had.....as much as a mini van can of course.....but I am enjoying the fall so far and look forward to visiting with my family in the next few months......and for those of you who may head down to the south of Alberta, feel free to stop in and visit...door is always open....Just give me a heads up so I can throw my messes into closets......:)

Baby Emerson....

Well, we are elated to announce our new baby girl has arrived. She came into this world on Sunday, May 25th with dark brown hair, dark eyes and olive skin (very similar to aiden). She weighted in as the smallest at a tiny 6lbs 15oz. 21 inches long. Having arrived on the expected due date we were suprised to find out that in fact she was a month early and was only between 36 and 37 weeks gestation, Which I now know was the reason for the longest and most difficult of all four deliveries....still a good size, she is healthy and happy and resembles "kazoo" off the Flintstones.

She has yet to cry, never fusses and sleeps wonderfully, I prayed soooo hard for an easy going baby and got one.....I feel most complete yet very saddened when I think about Emerson as being our last child. I know a new chapter is opening up to John and I and we are both looking forward to watching our children grow up but will ALWAYS want them as our babies.

Aiden has taken the role of "big brother" very seriously and loves to touch her head and hold her every chance he can, we are very proud of the young, little man he is becoming. Autumn thinks she is a doll and if given the chance would be using her to "play house", very ammusing and Kade, well, he just wants to poke her eyes out at every chance he gets so we are always on guard.....although he learning that being "gentle" has its perks as well....

I hope to have some good pictures posted on here very soon so stay tuned!!!

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.~ Kahlil Gibran~

Simple Pleasures.....

What are simple pleasures when you have children???

• Having a bath without all your children watching you and playing 1,356 questions
• your house actually staying tidy for more than a day
• Not having to share YOUR treat with them
• Using the toliet without having to clean it first!!!
• being able to finish writing a blog without getting out of my chair 40 times
• getting to use the toliet without an audiance (very,very rare pleasure)
• sleeping in till 8:00am

Now I do understand what my mom was talking about..............

I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me "mommy."

~ Author Unknown

We've done it again !!

As most of you know, my hubby and I are having baby number four.....as I come into the home stretch with only 4 more weeks I feel complete....I was a little iffy about ending it a three and knew that I was meant to bring one more child into this world.

I have now come to realize that the most important job in a woman's life is to rear her children, not just give birth to them (or in some women's cases adopt them)but to teach them how to love life around them and give them protection, direction, and instill in them the ability to know right from wrong.

People think I'm nuts.....but what else is more important than our children ???

Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation. ~C. Everet Koop, M.D.~

A New Sport!!

Ive come up with a new sport..its called extreme breastfeeding!!!
Equipment needed:
1. Baby with sharp, newly sprung baby teeth and
2. a set of breasts!

No rules so to speak but it involves:
- Heaps of "enjoyment" for the baby and anyone else in the room!!
- Tonnes of sweating with minor effort
- And also a suprisingly large amount of anxiety!

Now for any mom who has had the pleasure of feeding a baby with teeth you can relate and for the rest of you......be thankful!!

Here are a few recent pics of the family to those of you who live far and away !!

Is It Booger or Banana ?

The other day I'm sitting on the floor with the baby and look over beside me and to my disgust I see this gross glob on the floor; now to the mothers that are reading this, I'm sure you have had one of these moments where your scared to touch what could either be a piece of food or something much worse, so apon futher investigation I find the unknown to be just a dropped piece of banana but as I fiddle with the paper towel roll in one hand and hold the baby in another, I think to myself that I couldn't have ever imagined that someday I would be scraping some untantilizing slime off the floor in my P.J's.

Now if someone had told me that things like this went on during the early years of child rearing I maybe would have reconsidered having children or tried to avoid these sticky situations by completly wrapping my house in saran wrap, either way I must come to terms with the fact that having small children will make you ask yourself the question, "Is it a booger or a banana?"

"He who laughs, lasts."

~Mary Pettibone Poole~

Assembly Line

When I had the first baby it took me hours to get up and out of the house to go somewhere ( Auntie .G. can vouch for that) and I ended up having enough stuff with me that I looked like I was headed on a month long excursion.

Then when baby number two came around I was a little more efficient but still trying to master getting myself and two children ready.

But now with the third baby its all coming together......like an assemly line..... the only difference is this assemly line never sits still , runs away when you call and occasionally vomits on themselves after production has ceased and convienently this is usually done once production is almost at its deadline.

So who knows maybe with more children getting out of the house becomes easier and easier.........or......... maybe not.

"Parenthood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope."

~Bill Cosby~

Happy 2nd Birthday Autumn !!

Seems like only yesterday I was in the birthing centre in Mackay, Australia screaming my lungs out bringing Autumn into this world and with no drugs to blur my memory I remember so much detail about that wonderful day. Its funny to think that it was already two years ago our little girl breathed her first breath. She has been a blessing from day one although she was a difficult baby in the beginning she has turned out to be such a well tempered girl with such a sweet spirit.
John and I both find it hard to be stern with her because she just smiles at you if you show the slightest bit of assertivness and then looks at you with huge blue eyes as if to say, " your not mad at me are you? " and so today, I wish her a happy birthday and tell her not to grow up to fast because she is our baby girl and will always be our little girl !!!!

Its A White Rocket !

I now understand what all the rage is about...my van is great...thats right I said it, I bit the bullet and went and bought one. Its great. Its a 2006 white dodge grand caravan with under 20,000 km on it and its so fun to drive. I definitally wont be racing anyone off the line but its really fun to drive and turns on a dime. I used to have to look for a big spot in a parking lot to fit the truck but now my van fits anywhere. Its great. Kids love it too as Aiden enjoys sitting in the back with no sister to bug him. Did I mention its great ? I hope to make some long distance trips in the next few years and visit friends and family around north america with the help of my white rocket. Hope to see you soon, and thanks to auntie CoraLee for your support in this difficult buying dilemma....she new what it was like to buy a rocket at a young age too! :)

A VAN ???

Ok...so I love my kids but since having them I have all but lost my sense of class...so to speak.......I could care less about whos wearing what in hollywood or if my shoes match my purse or if my eye shadow is from this years must haves in cosmo but why am I finding it so difficult to buy a van? Does this vehical validate my sense of being ?....I see so many mothers driving them...happy and content...did they too cry at the thought having to run around town in a vehical that buy no means screams youth !!...

I hear that once you have one you never want to give it up and yes they are quite logical but at my age they just seem like a whole different world to me.

I can still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I realized that by having our third baby I would be sentencing myself to a good 5-7 years of driving something that I just wasn't ready for. ( I actually sobbed)

I'm a truck girl and always will be but if having my little bundles of joy means having to drive a hidious rocket shaped tube then so be it.

I will keep you posted on what color I pick !!

Hanging Around the New House !!

Here are few pictures of the family in the last month.....mind the messes in the background !!!

From the top we have Aiden and Autumn posing for the camera.....then Autumn snuggling up in Kades chair where she has her naps every once in a while and moving down we have "mother" Autumn. Next is Grandma Forsyth holding the newest member and finally we have the silly, plump 2nd born showing off her stylish new do !!

More picture still to come.....keep posted.